I knew there would be lots about becoming a Mum that I didn’t know, I, I didn’t know how it was possible to love someone so much it hurt, how the sound of my sons cry could be the most beautiful thing I had ever heard or equally that it would be enough to nearly drive me crazy, that I would realise I had always taken a cup of hot tea for granted or that sleep deprivation would turn me into Frankenstein’s Monster (pass the red bull and quickly). You know what else I have learned? Women are mean! Parenting is the hardest thing in the world to do but the easiest thing to have an opinion on.
I didn’t know that “Mummy Judging” was a thing and our every move is being watched. Why as women do we insist on bringing each other down, rather than supporting each other? We sit and judge, point fingers and criticise; whatever happened to girl power craze of the 90’s, the Sex and the City inspired camaraderie? (I know I’m showing my age now!) This motherhood stuff is hard, so why aren’t we high fiving each other about the fact we got from one end of the day to the other with the kids in one piece and fed?
So what do we judge each other on? Just about everything…Bottle V Breast; this row rages on and on, Ex TOWIE star Maria Fowler has just been shamed on social media for bottle feeding. I personally made the choice to bottle feed because of my epilepsy and medication, but you know what even if this wasn’t an issue it comes down to the fact I just did not want to breast feed. Has this done Noah any harm? No! Equally I have friends that breast fed, has it done their babies any harm? No! Was I made to feel like the worlds worst Mum by the health professionals? Yes! I have watched Mums torn apart for bottle feeding but equally we in danger of going the other way. Breast feeding Mums are now also getting a battering on social media because the “bottle brigade” is pushing back so hard against the “breast is best” movement. We should all be allowed to make our own choices; I mean you wouldn’t tell me to drink Pepsi rather than Coke would you? (you get my point).
Then we have cloth nappies V disposable nappies, arguments about it being cheaper, the environment and lazy parenting (yes I’ve heard someone who uses disposable nappies being called lazy), whilst Mums who use them are branded hippies. Then there is co-sleeping and baby led weaning, leaving your child to cry it out V never putting your child down. The list is never ending, and it isn’t just key board warriors that will judge you, your nearest and dearest will also be on hand to make you feel like you are getting it wrong, Mum groups are full of tales of Mums and Mother in Laws sticking their noses in and passing opinion on choices that have been made.
The argument that sparked this entry was a WTF moment after I saw an article discussing” helicopter” parenting. Apparently this is when you hover around your child whilst they play in the park rather than taking a seat on a bench, oh but wait do not forget that if you do chose to sit down for two minutes and check facebook you are accused of taking your precious child for granted *sigh*. One of the most recent parenting debates; is it wrong to kiss your child on the lips? This one even had Victoria Beckham joining in with her posting a picture on Instagram of her kissing Harper on the lips.
That’s before we start the minefield of whether to go back to work; go back to work and you are selfish, stay at home you are lazy (for the record I have friends on both sides of the fence and not one of them are lazy or selfish) Are you never allowed a night off now you are a Mum or is it ok to go out and let your hair down? That also brings my other gripe. If I go out I get asked oh is Chris Babysitting? No he isn’t, Noah is his child, you don’t babysit your own children!!! Double standards ladies (well society in general!)
And lastly does your child sleep through the night? When did whether your child slept through become the holy grail of parenting???? Some night Noah sleeps, others he doesn’t, is that a reflection of me as a Mum?
What are we doing to each other! Social media is full to the brim of people pointing fingers, judging and criticising every move, and you know who are the worst for this? Other Mums! We really need to sit back and think for just one moment, we have all been there too tired to function, putting the dogs food in the babies breakfast bowl (just me?), times we have been sicked/wee’d/pooed on, or sat and cried because it is just so damn hard, why wont the baby just sleep already, done something that before we had babies we swore we would never do, and in my case asking why my baby hated me after he did nothing but cry.
So why are we making it harder for each other? Why are we so hard on each other? If we took all the time and energy we put into Mummy Judging and used it to support one another the world would be a much nicer place, we are all trying to do this Mum thing right. So how about we all take five minutes to appreciate the Mums all around us, to tell them what an amazing job they are doing, hand them a hot cup of tea and allow them to drink it before it goes cold (trust me they’ll thank you!) We all had that moment when our babies were born when we realised the enormity of protecting this perfect innocent being for the rest of our lives, and that’s what it all comes down to, whatever our opinion we ultimately want the same thing…the best for our babies.
My names Faye, mostly known for being a tea addict and keen runner. I'm 31, married and I had my 1st child in June 2015, oh and I also happen to have epilepsy. This is my story of Pregnancy, Motherhood & Epilepsy.