My darling Mr Noah,
Happy 2nd Birthday Bud!
For just a moment, I can sit down, take a breather, and write you this letter. I have just put you down for a nap, its the only time I get to be still these days and the only chance I get to write you this letter.
The first thing I want you to know is that I really do try to be the best Mummy I can be, I dont always get it right or sometimes that damn epilepsy gets in the way but I want you to know I have always given you everything I have. Its yours and always will be. I love you more than words can ever hope to express. I love you from the depths of my soul. There is no one who means more to me on this earth than your Daddy and you.
Oh how this year has flown probably more than your first did and what a year it has been. You have changed in so many ways, and it has been an absoloute delight. Gone is the baby that I craddled and in his place is a wonderful little boy, but I'll let you in on a secret, you will always be my baby. You have grown so much my darling, especially over these last few weeks. You’re joining more and more words together and getting your message across. You sing songs and tell us what you want to do, or rather what you dont want to do! You have such a strong personality and boy are you stubborn (which apparently you get from me… who knew??) Grandad tells me its Karma :) This year really has been magical, you are everything I didn’t know I was missing in my life. You make me and Daddy laugh every day. We look at you and can’t believe that we get to keep you forever. You are made of the best parts of each of us and you make our hearts swell with pride. Everything is new and sometimes things are frustrating, especially when you don’t know how to vocalise what you feel, need and want but you are getting there and we will help you with every step.
For all of your strong will you are also so kind,loving and polite and I marvel at your ways as I watch and discover who you are becoming. I laughed when you got up and walked the day after your 1st birthday, no crawling for you! You love animals and we often joke you are our own little Dr Dolittle. That beautiful cheeky smile of yours lights up rooms and I beam with pride as I watch you charm pretty much everyone we meet, however you still dont suffer fools gladly and it makes me giggle when you decide you wont play ball. I wont ever force anyone on you baby boy, its for you to decide who is your own inner circle, at this age all I can do is surround you with the best people possible, all I will ever ask is that you are polite and kind to everyone.
If I was overwhelmed last year with how loved you are its nothing compared to this year. This year you have developed your own relationships with those closest to you and with that the love they have for you is growing by the day you really are such a lucky little boy.
A lot has happened in the world in your second year, looking at the UK alone we have Brexit, three terrorist attacks and another general election. I so worry for your future when I look at the world around us but as Ive repeated to myself in the days that followed the attacks, look for the good, the ordinary people doing extrodinary things. The emergency services, armed forces and just the random members of the public helping each other out But know I would give my life without hesitation if it meant protecting yours. I thank God I dont yet have to explain any of this to you and the biggest choice you face is Mr Tumbles, Paw Patrol or Baby Jake.
You are becoming so much more independent now and while I am so proud of you, it makes me sad to think that you need me a little less each day. But then I realise that you just need me in different ways. I may not need to feed you or hold you, but you need my hand to hold and a reassuring squeeze that Mummy is right there. You need my assurance that the people you meet are ok to be talking to. And whilst I am supposed to be teaching you about the world around you it is also you who has taught me so much this last year. You have taught me to slow down to Noah pace and taught me to take in the small things around me. I enjoy life so much more as I marvel in your delight at the things I used to take for granted every day. Everyday is a new experience for me and for you too – we learn together and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I watch you and remember the words the midwife who delivered you said to me " He is meant for great things" and I believe that with all my heart and its my job until then to keep you safe, to make sure you know you are loved and teach you it is better to be kind than to be right.
I thank God every single day that you are mine and that you are here and healthy. I promise to try and make every day as magical for you as you make it for me & Daddy.
It has been nothing more than pure bliss to watch you grow over the last two years and I’m so so so grateful to be called your mummy. You are your own little person, such a unique individual and I’m so excited to witness you venture into the next years of your life right by your side, smothering you with hugs and kisses that you truly deserve every single day. I promise that I will try so very hard not to cry today (Ah who am I kidding Im a blubbering wreck at how lucky I am!)
And as always,
Love you no matter what baby boy
My names Faye, mostly known for being a tea addict and keen runner and swimmer. I'm 32, married and I had my 1st child in June 2015, oh and I also happen to have epilepsy. This is my story of Pregnancy, Motherhood & Epilepsy.