I have thought long and hard about writing this post as it is SO personal for me but equally I said I’d always be honest so here goes….. “When are you having baby no.2?” “When are you having another?” “Thought it would be you next…” “Noah can’t be an only child.” All things that have been said to me in the last two years since having Noah, and never more so than in the last 3 or 4 months. It cuts me like a knife everytime someone asks especially that last comment. I’m sure that people only ask to take an interest or because they care but it is such a delicate topic. In the same way I wouldn’t dream of asking my childless friends when they planned on having children, I don’t see why its ok to ask about a second child. I remember well from when we were trying for Noah when people used to make comments little knowing that a baby was the thing we wanted most in the world, and remarks about ‘getting on with it’ hurt like hell; you never know what is going on behind closed doors. Here is the score, the same as everyone else myself and Chris had a grand plan, when we would have our first baby, when we would try for a second etc. As you all know having Noah didn’t go as planned and it changes everything. That itself takes some getting your head around, we have taken a bit of time adjusting to the fact that its different than we dreamed it would be. We always dreamed of having two children, for me I always saw myself giving Noah a sibling and him having what I have with Steph, but now equally there are fears about putting the perfect family we have in harm’s way, it isn’t just about what we want anymore. Sometimes with some of the people who have asked me why we haven’t had another yet I wonder if people have short memories, I wonder if they remember what happened, I know our ending is a happy one but it doesn’t change what happened to get there. So what are my concerns about having another?
Overall I’d just like people to stop and think before you pass comment to a couple about their family plans, you don’t know what is going on privately, your well-meaning comments may be like a knife through the heart. If you don’t know someone thoughts or plans on the subject already then you shouldn’t ask. I know we could have another and I know it could be ok but at the moment we have to try and work through whether these are all risks we are willing to take. All I can say is that if we are blessed with another child then I will be beyond grateful, if not I know I have already hit the jackpot with Noah and me and my boys will be just fine. Contact me:
Twitter: @fairyfaye1986 Email: [email protected] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/739520702798749/
22 Comments
Elizabeth
25/6/2017 07:49:27 pm
This is exactly how I feel. As a parent of one, I feel totally blessed and loathe others insisting that another should appear to make my family 'complete' or that we're selfish not to give our child a sibling.
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Alex
25/6/2017 09:09:12 pm
I am with you both. I'm a twin too but have no intention of a second.
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Thomasina
25/6/2017 08:28:55 pm
Amazing and honest (as always) xx
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Rainbow
25/6/2017 09:07:18 pm
I totally agree. I too planned a family of four. My ideal little world of 2 girls and 2 boys. Unfortunately, things didn't go to plan and after my daughter was born, in have an emergency hysterectomy to save my live. I too am totally blessed to have Beth in my life but so many asked when no 2 will arrive or felt sorry for me. Thank you for being so honest about how many of us feel xxx
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Chloe
26/6/2017 12:38:34 am
I'm only 19 and I get this all the time as people know that I'm being taken off Epilim as I'm within 'childbearing age'. It's so annoying I'm at uni, I'm not interested and I'm having complications coming off Epilim but it's constantly "what are you going to do about kids then?"
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Geri L
26/6/2017 01:04:29 am
Your honesty touches me. I am blessed with two healthy children and my births were easy. The pregnancies were fearful for my husband and myself. And yes, seizures in the third trimester will rock your world. Years later, I had a hernia repair and a tubal ligation at the same time and had not told my mother. There were complications and my very Catholic mother could not have been more supportive. She was relieved to the point of crying. I wish you well.
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James
26/6/2017 11:56:40 am
Its a tough subject to discuss in such a public way. Your honest style makes it totally relatable to any parent with physical or mental health issues or indeed having a child with special considerations. My wife and I had plans and aspirations yet life often throws you a curve ball. The challenge is and continues to be how we adapt and find peace with the actual reality we are facing and how best to celebrate what we have. Sometimes it is easy for me to forget the blessings we have received.
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Penny
26/6/2017 10:08:13 pm
I a man also a mum of one. Zoe is now 6 and I was a 39 year old type 1 diabetic when I had her. Just like you I wasn't as well as usual during my pregnancy and the size of a whale by the end! I feel exceptionally lucky Si and I have one beautiful, well child, especially when some don't get that chance and I like you would not want to risk that for the unknown. We spend lots of time with Zoe's counsins and friends and actually when I look around there are lots on only children who also need a surrogate sister friend. Don't be hard on yourself it sounds like you should just keep enjoying what you have. Lots of love x
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Sam
5/7/2017 10:45:43 am
I've come to that point in life where I'm ready to start a family, I was diagnosed with Epilepsy at 13, 29 now and been seizure free for 10 years after brain surgery but there's still that 'what if' that scares me, I hear pregnancy can reset off seizures, which to me feels like the mountain I'm climbing is going to have an avalanche :(
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Shannon McGuire
7/7/2017 01:25:08 pm
I'm a Mom to a little boy with epilepsy and just came across your blog post. I want to thank you for sharing your raw, honest feelings and I hope this post helps you find the strength to reply this way to nosey busy bodies who are inquiring about this. Enjoy that little boy you have and do whatever you need to do to make you & your family happy- and I want you to know how amazing I think you are! Keep up the great work, Mama, sending you positive vibes from across the pond!
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lily
27/7/2017 09:47:24 am
My name is matt lily I live in Canada
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kim park
8/8/2017 09:46:33 am
THANKS TO DR EWOIG FOR CURING MY SON
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aifred maria
4/9/2017 06:17:19 pm
My daughter is 5 years old and has been healthy, and has been developing at a normal rate. I heard a loud thud. I found my daughter on the floor. There was vomit on the bed and my daughter was on the floor. It lasted 15 minutes. It was so scary. she was jerking very violently, and his eyes were rolling in the back of his head. It was horrible. No one should have to see their child like that, my doctor is saying she's had seizures. she had an mri ,an EEG,they did a spinal tap. After returning from the hospital, my daughter experienced vomiting, I could not bear to see my daughter going through this problem at the early age of her life. I read a lot of fake testimonies at blogs, Facebook and website of people that was cured from seizure with the help of a herbal doctor I have even been scammed severally, I explain to my friend about my daughter symptom and she told me that i shouldn't worry, she gave me a contact of a doctor. I met Lawson Bryan in Chicago and i contact him. I Explain about my daughter symptom, I made an order of his medicine.. I followed his instruction, His medicine has change my daughter health in less than 3 month she is totally free from seizures and vomiting, my daughter is cured from seizure. you can contact him on this e-mail: [email protected] thank you.
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26/9/2017 12:11:43 pm
Oh my goodness, this post hit me just as hard as when people ask me about Baby No 2, but in the opposite way. Just discovered your blog today through the Mums with Epilepsy Facebook group, and can't wait to read back some more. I would love another baby but my epilepsy isn't controlled, my toddler is running rings round me, my partner has concerns for both me and the pregnancy, and a miriad of other worries. So every time someone asks me, "Are you going to have another one," I have to take a deep breath and recover from the knife going into my heart before I reply. I have written a very similar post myself. It is always so comforting to read the feelings of someone else who knows how it feels.
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Epilepsy Patient
31/3/2018 03:07:51 am
ALL THANKS TO DR PATRICK FOR THE GREAT DEED HE HAVE DON FOR MY FAMILY.This information will be useful for Epilepsy patients who is willing to use herbal medicine. My daughter had temporal lobe epilepsy, She had seizure and had a grand mal with rage episode. Our daughter's seizure is constant throughout the day. We had used several medicine which include: Epilim and Keppra, experience seizure control at the cost of serious debilitating side effects. It was during a casual conversation with a friend that I learned about herbal Dr. Patrick ,who uses herbal medicine in curing people from epilepsy,i was so glad to contact him on his email and make an order for his medication, it does not have any side effect. I am so glad to say that she has been seizure-free since July 2015 after taking Patrick medicine. this a miracle cure?contact him for more detail ([email protected]) thanks once again admin for such an informative blog.
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peter emmily
7/6/2018 09:52:09 pm
I myself had epilepsy. Not to this extreme with grand mail seizures daily, but it still affects me in other ways daily. I am on medicine, which has slowly stopped working and I notice my twitches, blank stares, and memory loss (even in the midst of a sentence) starting to return. The side effects of this drug is noticeable and painful to deal with. It is so strong that if a normal person were to take my dose, they will die of an overdose.when i was going through the internet i come across Owens post thanking Dr Lewis hill for curing his seizure problem, and i got the contact of Dr Lewis hill and i quickly contacted him then he made me to know that the medication is 100% cure, and that was how i got the medicine which i used, after which i went for medical test It worked! Over a year now, i have not show any symptoms of seizure and I believe that am cure permanently if you need his help email him on [email protected]
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danvash
27/7/2018 12:34:03 am
Thanks to Dr Williams I am so happy today, my wife have been suffering from epilepsy for so many years now, and i have spent a lot on western drugs which has all proved abortive, i have tried all means in life to get my wife out of this , but there was no answer until i decided to try herbal solution and i found Dr Williams online and i contacted him and after she took his medication as instructed, my wife is now completely cure from epilepsy within one month of usage, i am so much happy, thanks to Dr Williams for helping me get my wife life back again without any form of crisis, i promise to tell your name and good deeds to the whole world,if you have someone with epilepsy you can email him on [email protected] for more information .
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Richard Paul
26/9/2018 10:03:51 pm
I've had epilepsy since before my teens and am now over 46. I'm married with four lovely daughters, have had fancy jobs, such as Design Manager at Oxford University Press, and am allowed to drive.This got me worried because i have a bright future that i do not want epilepsy to become a hindrance, i tried several doctors in Texas and none could help with an effective cure. I went on the internet and saw testimonies about a treatment for epilepsy which a doctor offered and i was interested, i got in contact with him and i was able to get the medicine for my self which i used for 2 months as he instructed and it has been over 5 months now i am doing fine without any allergies or aftermath effects. If you are suffering problem try to reach him too on via drlewishill247 @ gmail. com
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lukas henry
28/10/2018 12:19:31 am
My 46 years old brother has (type1) had seizures for about 15 years now. The most serious one occurred last month. The paramedics responded and immediately wanted to call the local police department, since he became violent. When I arrived to his home, I explained to them he was type 1, and they said what he was experiencing was not diabetes related. My brother was in a fetal position, spitting and both arms were curved inward to his chest. Once he arrived to the ER, they too said ct scan and blood work was normal and released him. He is still unaware of what happens during the episodes and only recalls feeling faint prior to the episode.one day came across David post thanking Dr Lewis hill for curing his son seizure problem, and i got the contact of Dr Lewis hill i quickly contacted him then he made me to know that the medication is 100% permanent cure, and that was how i got the medicine which i used for my self, after which i went for medical test It worked! Over a year now, have not show any symptoms of seizure and I believe that i have be cure if you need his help email him on [email protected]
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kate
30/10/2018 02:56:26 pm
Am One of the happiest woman on earth since my son was cured from the problem of seizure,which he has been having for eight years now,he do have the attack two to three times a week,which is affecting is education and his life.i got the contact of a doctor from the post of one Mr paul thanking him for curing his seizure problem,i got the contact and contacted him then he made me to know that the medication is a permanent cure, and that was how i got the medication which i used on my son,and for six month now there have been no sign of seizure in him again.any one with such problem can contact him on his email [email protected]
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AuthorMy names Faye, mostly known for being a tea addict, swimmer and now Paralegal and part time student. I'm 36, married and I had my 1st (and only) child in June 2015. Oh and I also happen to have epilepsy. This is my story of Pregnancy, Motherhood & Epilepsy and the voice I have become for those with epilepsy. Archives
December 2022
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