I have thought long and hard about writing this post as it is SO personal for me but equally I said I’d always be honest so here goes…..
“When are you having baby no.2?” “When are you having another?” “Thought it would be you next…” “Noah can’t be an only child.” All things that have been said to me in the last two years since having Noah, and never more so than in the last 3 or 4 months. It cuts me like a knife everytime someone asks especially that last comment. I’m sure that people only ask to take an interest or because they care but it is such a delicate topic. In the same way I wouldn’t dream of asking my childless friends when they planned on having children, I don’t see why its ok to ask about a second child. I remember well from when we were trying for Noah when people used to make comments little knowing that a baby was the thing we wanted most in the world, and remarks about ‘getting on with it’ hurt like hell; you never know what is going on behind closed doors.
Here is the score, the same as everyone else myself and Chris had a grand plan, when we would have our first baby, when we would try for a second etc. As you all know having Noah didn’t go as planned and it changes everything. That itself takes some getting your head around, we have taken a bit of time adjusting to the fact that its different than we dreamed it would be. We always dreamed of having two children, for me I always saw myself giving Noah a sibling and him having what I have with Steph, but now equally there are fears about putting the perfect family we have in harm’s way, it isn’t just about what we want anymore.
Sometimes with some of the people who have asked me why we haven’t had another yet I wonder if people have short memories, I wonder if they remember what happened, I know our ending is a happy one but it doesn’t change what happened to get there. So what are my concerns about having another?
Overall I’d just like people to stop and think before you pass comment to a couple about their family plans, you don’t know what is going on privately, your well-meaning comments may be like a knife through the heart. If you don’t know someone thoughts or plans on the subject already then you shouldn’t ask. I know we could have another and I know it could be ok but at the moment we have to try and work through whether these are all risks we are willing to take. All I can say is that if we are blessed with another child then I will be beyond grateful, if not I know I have already hit the jackpot with Noah and me and my boys will be just fine.
My names Faye, mostly known for being a tea addict and keen runner and swimmer. I'm 32, married and I had my 1st child in June 2015, oh and I also happen to have epilepsy. This is my story of Pregnancy, Motherhood & Epilepsy.