Blog 88: Searching for a stranger

​We so often teach children about stranger danger but how often do we ever touch on the fact that someone you don't know, someone you may never set eyes on again could end up having the biggest impact on your life, being your saviour at your worst moment.

I wonder four years on if you ever think of us? I can tell you now I think of you often, as I do of my work colleague, station staff and doctors from that day. I remember you on the big days like Noahs birthday, when I'm anywhere near Bow Road and you may find it surprising but on the days when nothing in particular has happened at all. The days when maybe Noah has driven me to distraction and tested every boundary I put in place. That's his name by the way, Noah. I forget you dont even know that. That lady you comforted and helped that cold grey morning in March was me. That bump turned out to be a little boy. I wasn't quite 24 weeks pregnant that morning, but now I sit here with a beautiful healthy little boy who is (in his words) “3, 4 in June.” And boy is he perfect: he is funny, smart, kind, caring, cheeky, strong willed and oh so beautiful, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
That morning I felt ill, I had been nothing but sick since I fell pregnant, my epilepsy previously controlled was out of control since I fell pregnant. I remember being on them stairs and that was that. Until I felt your hand on me. Its all very hazy and the pieces of that day are put together from what others have told me. Whilst I cant remember the events clearly I do remember feelings. The feeling of relief, when despite not being able to talk still, the relief that you were there and shouting for help. The relief that someone was helping me.  You may have known first aid, you might have known none at all but in that instant, it didn't matter, your presence alone was enough.  My next feeling was gratefulness when my work colleague arrived, I know I pleaded with her not to leave me, and she didn't, not until I was with my husband and sister. She is someone else who will never know what her actions meant that day. Someone else I've never been able to put into words how grateful I am, maybe its embarrassment that she saw me like that that stopped me? The difference is she,through the wonders of Facebook, gets to see Noah grow and I can only hope she has half an idea of what she did that day means to us, but I digress.
If I'm honest I don't remember when you actually left, it may have been when my work colleague and station staff took over or you may have stayed till the paramedics arrived. I honestly don't know, I wish I did. What I do remember is the calmness as you placed your hand on my head as you left, possibly the only moment of calm I experienced that whole day. 
I laid in resus that day praying,begging that I would do anything to make sure my baby was ok, I would live with every bone in my body being broken, not walking...ANYTHING that meant that bump was ok. I don't know how, I don't know why but by some miracle he and I survived to tell this tale. 
I wonder if you think of it? I wonder if you don't? Maybe you think what you did that day was nothing out of the ordinary? But your simple actions to us were extraordinary. You stayed, you called for help. You didn't have to but you did.
That bump is off to school in September and whilst it makes my heart hurt that he is growing so quickly I am also very aware of how different it could have been. I would relive every sorry second of that day to be where I am now.
You may never see this, you might but still not want to come forward (I’ll admit the media interest has overwhelmed me slightly) I may never get to look you in the eyes and say what I want to. 
What would I say to you? Funny isn't it, all the times I've thought of that day, all the times I've tried to think of a way to express how I feel and I still fall short, you’d think Id have some deeply profound words for everyone that day but I don't, because in reality there are no words that even come close to how I feel for every one that day.
The only two words I keep coming back to is Thank You. They say it all but no where near enough. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you for all the nights Noah has kept me awake, thank you for all his tantrums, thank you for all the time he pushes the boundaries, thank you for his first steps, potty training, that infectious smile. Thank you for his laughter, the moments he throws his arms around me and tells me he loves me. Thank you for giving our family and friends their nephew/cousin/Grandson. Thank you for all the big and little moments in his life that are yet to come. 
Oh and Id tell you that we were fine, in fact more than fine. Everything is perfect because I get to be Noahs Mummy. 

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